The 7 signs of Emotional Detachment
I bet if we are completely open and honest, we have at one time in our lives felt emotionally detached? I will openly admit that I have. The definition according to Science daily can mean two different things:
- The inability to connect with others on an emotional level, as well as a way of coping with anxiety by avoiding certain situations that trigger an attack, it is often called as emotional numbing
- It is a type of mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons.
Here is what i’ve observed:
- Women with a hardened edge of protection
- Fear to express their raw vulnerability
- Men and women both confused
- Male bravado exterior
- Blaming one another
- Checked out- The walking DEAD!
- Fear of rejection – tension building
- Mediocrity and complacency
Let’s explore the 7-signs of emotional detachment together. Be gentle and kind to whatever comes up.
1. Lost MOJO and the inner conflict
Lets start with a juicy topic, Our MOJO, this will either make you excited and wanting to know more, or it may make you run away, especially if your mojo is sleeping and has left the room! I would describe Mojo as your pull towards intimacy, your drive for connecting sexually and your level of desire for those beautiful moments of passion. Some in relationships may find down the track that their mojo is very different from their partners, where affections are rejected and the one on the receiving end left feeling very hungry, almost starving of affection and this soon becomes their main focus. The other partner sees no challenge and that the other is being silly and that it is normal for your sex drive to drop off! Some may have no awareness of their sexual energy, have no boundaries and are left wondering why they feel empty inside and bounce from one to the next, in an attempt to feel full again, with empty fucking. While there may be some that feel guilt and shame for their deepest desires and are in conflict within their own mind, on what is normal?
2. Feeling unappreciated at work/home
Lets explore the ladies first. I have worked with high-end clients, successful executive women that are powerful at the office, commanding attention with ease yet when they get home to their partners, they drop in power ration to their husbands/partners. They have no energy for mojo activities; feel invisible, undesired and unappreciated. The cycle continues and on the inside they are becoming more emotional disconnected with their powerful feminine essence within and holding up the strong masculine exterior, the wall of protection from their raw yumminess of being a woman.
There are men that are doing all they can to support those they love, yet still feel it isn’t enough. They are questioned when they have to work back late and feel un-loved and not respected by their partners. They walk on eggshells at home and are often given a list of jobs to do by their well-meaning partner. They are in jobs that bring little of no satisfaction and this impacts their mojo and over time they become more and more emotionally disconnected, distant or in denial of what they desire as a man. These both lead onto number 3,
3. Not speaking up
There comes a tipping point, where after being unheard time and time again, you start to think that what you have to say doesn’t matter. This leads to complacency and going along with it, so the other is happy. To be rejected time and time again, challenges the mental psyche and can bring p many feelings such as worthlessness, hopelessness and helplessness. I see many men and women not speaking up as they are not being heard, being laughed at and they start feeling like the one who is being too demanding, in fact it is the other that is not taking the time to listen, to honour their truth with compassion and love and it is a sign of emotional disconnection. As to be present with another takes a level of emotional connection with self-first and to honour your own messages.
This may also be a running scenario with your family, as your beliefs are different to them and can feel like a lonely place as you are finding yourself in the world.
Some fear the worst and then when they get it, wonder what went wrong. The perfect teachers will keep coming along until the lessons are learnt, there are no accidents and life is the perfect training ground.
“ Detachment is taking care of yourself first by honouring the messages and letting others take responsibility for their actions without attempting to punish or save them” -Zoe Bell
4. Feeling exhausted and switched off inside
Not being you and attempting to be someone else who you think you need to be, is freaking exhausting and eventually something will crack. This is where getting stuck in your head does nothing more than bring you more of it and this can feel like the biggest mind f##k ever. This then spans into the words that are unconsciously spilling out from your mouth, like verbal diarrhea, either to yourself, in your mind or to those around you. This is what I call the unconscious nonsense of life, that much of which makes no sense and is drivel to fill the space.
It is like the day you wake up late for work and feel behind the left ball all day, and the theme of conversation is you tell everyone you chat with how tired you are and how you feel so slow. As the days goes on, you smash back coffees like tequila shots on a wild night and still cannot catch up.
This is emotional detachment as you are disconnected with making the internal shifts from lack of awareness and adding to the numbness within and still not listening to the signs, rather you are being controlled by them.
5. Shame and guilt of desires – suppressing the shadow self
We are both the good cop and the bad cop, however you wish to play it. We are the Yin (the feminine) and Yang (the masculine), the dark and the light and many are afraid to see into and venture into the dark. The dark is the aspects of self, ‘ the shadow self ‘ that we have shamed and blamed for choices we have made in moments of desire. It is the deepest parts of self and it is only when we can see into those spaces with loving kindness and compassion that we open a doorway to reveal our gifts to the world. I now within myself, within the dark as I explore my deepest desires within my mind and with those I adore and trust, I come alive with such vibrancy and a feeling of expansiveness as my soul truth. For many years I shunned those desires, felt guilt for them and saw it as separate to my wholeness as a woman and the light cannot exist without the dark. The more you ignore these parts of self, the more the emotional detachment sets in.
As we grew up, we may have continued an old belief system that our well meaning and loving parents that no longer fit into who we are becoming. We will all have formed limiting beliefs as a child by the way we saw the world and these will shape our current reality. The inner child world is powerful, challenging and magical once the re-connection is made. It is also a key to embracing and loving our shadow self.
6. Feeing like the weird one
It is time to embrace you’re quirkiness and weirdness and see that is your unique completeness. It is you and there is no one exactly like you and if you are reading this I would say you are resonated to what I write, as the weird ones find one another! Who wants to be the one that blends in, its great to stand out and weird has become the new normal people are gravitating towards.
Dare to be different, dare to be you and never make excuses for being you again. People want to belong, its part of our survival as a species to group together, to be a part of a community with like-minded people. So know that if you feel weird or not weird it doesn’t matter, as here there is no need for labels, only one requirement, be you as that is enough.
Attempting to be like others is exhausting and yes there will be those that inspire you and what jumps out is giving you a flavour of whom you are stepping more into, so re-mold that aspect into you and into your completeness and wholeness.
You’re fantasies and desires may be very different to what society states as normal, so you are also in the right place, you can feel free to be open, accepted and not judged. If everyone was to be brutally honest about their deepest sexual desires, you would be shocked and to fully realize that what you call weird is very normal! There is no one size fits all and it is time to stop putting everything in a box, to compartmentalize so it fits in with conformity.
7. Avoidance of situations
Unless you have ever had an anxiety attack, it is difficult and impossible to begin to comprehend. It can be a scary place when you start to become aware of what sets you off with an attack. Anxiety can be what happens when emotional detachment has been going on for a long time and I see the anxiety as a ‘warning signal’ to start listen to your emotions and connect with self. It is like the fire alarm going off, very in your face as it comes out of nowhere and can be totally consuming, until it is worked through, often with a release of tears. There may be situations that are confronting and trigger suck an attack and the person will avoid the situations that they are aware of. This is the control of the emotional detachment and unconscious avoidance of exploring the messages within. There is a way to peel back the layers with love, courage, guidance and support on this journey called life. It can feel like being a prisoner within your own body, mind and soul and that is no fun for anyone leading to more separation between your normal self and the highest and wisest version of self. This is what creates the discomfort and inner suffering.
I hope by now you can begin to see how healthy it is to detach and nourish ourselves. It is vital to our survival and a doorway to “self-love”. First, we must put on our own oxygen mask before attending to another.
- Address the cause
- Ownership of desires
- Responsibility with action
- Courage to create change
Sleepwalking Monday to Friday waking up for the weekend, is not healthy and the more it is repeated the greater the numbness and detachment behind closed doors. This takes courage to be willing to be brutally honest and mean stepping up as for many there is an avoidance of confrontation, avoidance of speaking up and to express the most vulnerable aspects of self brings up FEAR.
There is an elixir of both the masculine and the feminine forces of energy that is flowing continuously, our life force energy. This feminine force is creative, a doorway to deepen intimate connection and the wildest of imaginations. . This invisible energy has the characteristics of openness, compassion, understanding, kindness, truthfulness and raw vulnerability. The invisible masculine energy is action orientated and the characteristics of, drive, determination, strength, vigor, fighting spirit and protection. As beings we have both energies and it is about re-balancing the forces from the inside out, to restore connection, deepen intimacy and bring back the balance between the sexes.
With a man embracing his raw vulnerability with powerful presence, a woman will soften back into the feminine, and express her deepest vulnerability. The hardened exterior of protection will soften as they reconnect with open communication and begin to honour and respect one another and their unique needs and desires. By our inward connection to filling ourselves up with ‘self-love’, the more we have to offer the other and we can be more present with one another.
The emotional disconnection begins within from ignoring our desires, dreams and avoiding our greatest fears. The solution to reconnect with self are found from within, by embracing our raw vulnerability.
Love & infinite inspiration,
Here to serve,